Adult Books // Adult Books
Recommended Track: LA Ghosts
Dear Adult Books tape -
After much thought and consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that we shouldn’t spend anymore time together.
Sorry if that’s kind of harsh, but I can’t take it. You see, I love you. I love everything about you. I might even be a little bit obsessed with you, since I’ve listened to you nearly every day since getting my hands on you back in January. And despite all my efforts to the contrary, I can’t get over you and it’s causing me some distress.
Here’s the thing: I dislike tapes as a rule and avoid engaging with them if possible. You have to understand, my previous relationships with tapes have all been pretty unsatisfying. I’m talking busted covers and shitty sound quality, that awkward moment when you find your tape tangled up with some machinery. But even though you are a tape, I love you. And it’s becoming too much.
Oh yes, Adult Books tape, I’ve tried to stop thinking about you. I keep waiting for the day when “Bedsit Infamies” will stop sounding fresh, when the Mars metaphor in “Girl Space Friend” will cease to amuse or the of chorus of “LA Ghosts” will no longer flood my brain with sugar but that day never comes. I’m surrounded by amazing records on a daily basis and yet, without fail, there’s always a moment when I catch myself thinking, “Well, I’ll just put Adult Books on again. It’s only 6-songs long…6 perfect songs long. Just once more will be okay. Just one more time.” And then down the shame spiral I go. Don’t you see you are ruining my reputation as an icy and objective critic? I can’t have it. I CAN’T HAVE IT.
It should be easier than this to leave you behind, especially considering the type of music you are. I know all about your kind, suburban punk with a pop edge that’s generally juvenile and difficult to take seriously if you’re the sort of person who enjoys using their brain. I keep looking for the worm in the apple that will make it possible for me to kick you to the curb once and for all, like the typical eyeroll-inducing sexist or stoopit lyrics. But, damn you Adult Books tape, you have none of that. You’re (ugh) clever and funny. Even tape-closer revenge fantasy “My Demo” is more touching in its self-loathing, and the line about sucking at Nintendo Wii gets me every time.
So you have to understand, if I treat you badly it’s just cuz I’m secretly in love with you and that makes me feel weird because I’ve never felt this way about a tape before. And I’ve never given a five out of five before and that also makes me feel weird. So take your perfect rating and your ridiculous catchiness and get out of my life before I do something I’ll regret. But one more listen, just one more…that couldn’t hurt. Right?
Very Truly Yours,