I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change

The wonderful title for this article comes from an Off-Broadway musical that I saw many years ago when I was in New York. After its 3,000th performance it is still going strong, but I assure you the topic for this article is not a review of the play.. the topic is about authenticity and being who you are despite what others want and expect.

How many times have you heard, “If you would only be more ” OR “I need for you to be “? Even as a child you may have heard, “Children should be seen and not heard”. Let’s not forget some of the cultural messages we receive, for example, being considered successful if you have a certain amount of money in your bank account, drive a certain car or wear particular clothes.

I remember being in a troubled long-term relationship and being told, “If you get fixed, we will be OK.” Fixed? I did not think I was broken and I hated feeling like I was not good enough when deep inside I knew that I was.

Sadly, I have to admit, I did something similar to someone I loved and cared about. While I did not imply that he needed to be fixed, I did communicate that I needed for him to be a certain way.

What an unfair thing for me to do, especially since I fell in love with him for who he was. Why ask him to change?

In part, that was the major 2×4 upside the head that made me realize that sometimes others’ (including our own) expectations can be unreasonable and out of alignment with who we truly are as people. Make sense?

Square Peg Squished in a Round Hole

Not one human being on this planet is perfect… heck, we all come with a few warts. It is the warts (differences) that make us who we are as individuals; truly beautiful. So why on earth would you want to be that square peg being confined by that round hole?

When you are being asked to be something you are not, I encourage you to think about the following:

1) The change you are being asked to make, will it compromise your integrity and identity?

If so, is the situation worth losing who you are?

2) Think about your own standards and don’t let others’ standards define you. If it helps, make a list of those standards and get very clear on which ones are most important and are not worth sacrificing.

3) Most importantly, remember to always be YOURSELF and not what others wish for you to be. Who you are is amazing and if who you are is good enough for you, that is what matters.

© 2006 – What’s Within U. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction of content allowed, but must contain a link to What’s Within U (www.whatswithinu.com), copyright notice, and author’s name.

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